Life After Baby Number Two

Alright, so last time I posted anything was... a little over four months ago? Shortly before our beautiful new baby Topanga was born. Perhaps you can guess that having a second child is quite a bit more difficult than I had originally anticipated; not so much that the second baby is hard to handle, but suddenly the first becomes more work once there's someone else there to share the attention.

Only recently have I finally been able to begin feeling like I can actually start working on my hobbies like writing and blogging once again, hence why I haven't posted anything prior to now. There's certainly quite a bit of work having to change diapers every couple hours after being used to not needing to do so with a 3-year-old. Gotta get up every few hours no matter what time it is to feed the baby and play a bit and put her back to sleep once she's tired again. So busy so much of the time.

But really the new baby isn't all that much work in my opinion. Like... I've done it before. Or even just helped with it. So I know what I'm doing with the second one rather than learning everything for the first time, and thanks to conveniently being let go from my previous job shortly before Topanga was born, I've had so much time to spend with her to get to know her up until this point. I suppose I'm honestly quite grateful for such opportunity, though it has truly been quite a financial strain which couldn't have been handled up to now without Carley being so awesome and figuring out the situation.

The really hard part of this whole ordeal has been transitioning Isabelle into no longer being an only child. I remember my sister saying that the hardest part about having another baby isn't the new baby... it's the first child that's the hardest part. I absolutely get that now; Isabelle is still teaching us new things each and every day for the first time which we can then use to teach Topanga in a better way down the road in the future.

So here we are, four months later from my last post... just when I think things will finally get back to the way life was before, things change again because she figured out how to roll over; now we've had to learn to sleep without being swaddled at night, and wouldn't you know it, she starts getting red-cheeked and fussy which is messing with her sleep schedule. Oh, children are such a frustrating and yet totally rewarding life adventure of new experiences each day. 

Have a wonderful day! ^_^

~ Kyle Welykholowa

Life Update - March 2020

It's been a while since the last time I posted something other than a game review. Today, I bring you an update on the current goings on in my life!

Wife

Carley is still doing fantastic since starting her new medication back in January. If not for now being 7 months pregnant and looking after a screaming toddler, I'm sure she'd be one of the happiest people on the planet. Recently she's been finding herself to be more tired than usual and even being sore without having done too much physically. I know she hasn't been able to do as much around and out of the house as usual, so she's been going a little bit stir-crazy... not because she can't leave the house, but instead because she can't user her body as much as she wants.

So instead of going out and running around Carley has been putting more of her effort into cooking amazing meals for our family to have us eat well and keeping the finances under control. I really don't think we've ever been so organized before. We have new artwork going up around the house, things being beautified to look more bright and wonderful, and I really think this is the best we've ever been doing as long as we've known each other.

Daughter

She's going to be three later this month! I've been thinking of her as being three for quite a while now and I think that is making it seem like it's taking forever for her to actually turn three for real. She's been telling us more and more stories each day. Sometimes her brain is trying to go so fast that her mouth can't keep up and she stumbles over words and sentences until we get her to slow down and take a breath! I'm looking forward to the inevitable never-ending stream of works that come as she gets older... though perhaps she'll learn to be a little bit quieter every once in a while instead of constantly yelling her tales at me.

No matter what she just gets cuter and cuter as time goes on and I love her more and more with each and ever day.

Dogs

They're still alive and adorable! Maybe a little bit spoiled though.

House

Has there been a big update to the house? In a way, yes. We decluttered A TON of stuff from the house. Bunches of things we weren't using were donated and a ton of other junk that wasn't useful was discarded thanks to the help of a very awesome guy who made a couple runs to the dump for us.

Surprisingly, I've also managed to be somewhat handy and not only fix a broken wire in our alarm system, but also change an outlet from 2 to 3 prongs in our bedroom WITHOUT shocking myself or starting a fire! Yay!

ME!

I've tried a type of antidepressant before that didn't seem to make much of a difference if any at all. Recently I've started taking an antidepressant once again to see if it has a quality impact on my moods, though of course this one is a different one than last time. I'll admit that I'm a little bit surprised that I feel so great compared to how I've felt previously. I didn't really think about it too much but I've had anxiety over starting a day of work before where now I have none. Something that I'm quite used to, talking to people over the phone and online, and yet I was feeling anxious over it.

Now I feel wonderful! So wonderful that I'm even doing work on projects that I had pretty much stopped working on altogether such as my making videos, live streaming, and even working on my blog. Not only that, but I've started writing and colouring again. I'm even beginning to draw every once in a while. Life feels so wonderful that it's difficult to be annoyed and angry with anything or anybody. I'm getting fresh air whether it's walking with the child, the dogs, or just myself. It's so perfect!

At this point I don't even have goals that I'm all concerned about hitting other than to just have fun and live a little.

~ Kyle Welykholowa

My Apologies - Life Is So Busy

I definitely want to apologize for not being very active lately on the blog and with making videos and things. There's tons of stuff that I want to do, but with so much overtime being available for work lately and so much going on at home, I've found myself to be so busy that I haven't had any time to work on my own things.

I have so many plans and so much that I want to do, I just don't know what to do with it all when I get the little amounts of time that I do have where I'm not busy. Let me take this moment to inform you that I have a lot in the works to post as soon as I get back on track and find some free time to do so. You know... once I get over being so tired that I can't focus on anything and only feel like sleeping when I'm doing something other than working.

I'm sure I've said this before, but I really have a want to get back on track with all of my content production including blog posts, YouTube videos, Twitch streams, book readings, song singings, and more! My goal for the coming months is to do more of everything even if it's only a 1-hour stream each night.

As I think about this more I realize that not only am I having a problem with available time (which will get better I'm sure), but also that when I do actually have time available to me I'm often too tired or generally not motivated enough to actually do anything other than watch someone else's content instead of making my own. Perhaps what I should be doing (and I'm finding this with work as well) is being more enthusiastic about things and put more emotion into my actions. I do find that music works much better for becoming active rather than sitting and becoming a zombie... I'll have to give it some work in the coming month and see what happens.

Keep an eye out as I get back into the groove of things and get going on all the plans I have in motion. At this point, once I get started, the content won't stop any time soon.... I just have to get over the hurdle of GETTING STARTED rather than sitting around. We're going to make next month amazing and get right back on track where we left off, or do even better than before.

I know we can make this big together, just stick around and wait for the fun to come about. We're going to be amazing.

~ Kyle Welykholowa

Keeping Up With Life Is Hard

I've kinda posted about this sort of thing before, but it's honestly quite hard to keep up with life sometimes.

There's so much I want to do and I always feel like I just don't have enough time to do it all. Yeah, a bunch of it is things like blogging and streaming which most people I know would probably think is a silly thing to want to do all the time, but for me it's a fun thing I like to do that makes me happy. There are other things I would like to do as well including reading, drawing, writing, and getting back into playing my violin.

The worrying part is when I feel so apathetic that I don't feel like doing any of these things, especially when I don't even feel like playing games which is normally a very fun thing for me to do. Lately I've found it very hard to get up enough willpower to do any of these things which is actually rather concerning to me now that I think about it. Besides being always tired, I find myself not really wanting to do anything and only really able to get up and be energetic for the purpose of working.

I have great plans for so many things I want to do and how I want to be great and energetic and happy and be so much fun, and then I find I'm fighting with myself to do anything else but sleep in my spare time. I find it very frustrating to feel like this, but at least I know I'm in a pretty good spot to deal with this sort of thing right now with my family close by me and a comfortable place to feel safe and able to handle my problems.

As always, look forward for more awesome things happening in the future. I may try to mix things up with a few longer and shorter posts just to keep things rolling every now and then even when I'm not totally feeling it.


Have a great day everybody! ^_^

~ Kyle Welykholowa

How Time Flies

Every once in a while I find myself taking a step back and realizing just how time flies by and life gets so busy. There's so much I have to do and so much more that I want to do; how can a person fit everything into such a short amount of time?

Today I find myself somewhat disappointed for putting my blog on the backburner. So many stories and experiences and thoughts I find rushing through my head that haven't yet been given a chance to be shared with the world. On one hand, I suppose that's a good thing that I was able to have that break because now I feel like I've hit somewhat of a muse that I've been missing previously.

I suppose what I'm looking forward to coming up is the end of my school courses. While they've been fun, I think it really is time to buckle down and complete them. Yeah, that may mean some of my other projects won't get as much attention as I would like. It may even mean I cannot spend as much time with the family as I would like, but once I'm done... I don't have to worry about it anymore. It will truly be such a load off my mind and a weight off my shoulders to not have to devote so much time to working through these classes. I suppose what I'm saying is that I'm about to start a strict diet of textbook material for a while until I can be confident that I know what I'm doing.

So don't be alarmed if you don't hear from me for a bit... though I still fully intend to get back to making blog posts more regularly and continuing to try to stream more often. Perhaps it is a strange thing to many people out there, but live streaming... even if I were to be reading a book or working through schoolwork... something about it seems to motivate me to work harder and to be better and more proactive in other parts of my life. I don't know how to explain it really, but it's there in my mind working away, breaking down the wall that builds up stopping me from getting the simplest things done on a day-to-day basis.

I'm not going to go into detail about everything I have to do and everything I want to do, you'll see the results of all my hard work as things are completed. I can say my primary goals at this time include performing well with my new job (which I absolutely love), spending quality time with my family, and getting back up to date with the real (not gaming) blog posts that I know you all love.

I look forward to continuing to entertain you all. Don't forget to follow the blog, Twitter, YouTube, and Twitch so you don't miss any of the coming action!

As usual, you're all fantastic and I look forward to hearing from you when time isn't flying away from you too. ^_^

~ Kyle Welykholowa

=== I've been Slacking ===

     First thing's first, I have to apologize to everybody for slacking in the past month. I haven't really posted anything for nearly a month now. Ever since the holiday preparation started, I haven't been doing much of anything useful at all. With work being so busy since there's only four of us rather than five in the office, Isabelle starting to stand up on everything, and everything else going on these days... I just haven't taken the time to post anything recently.

     So, my first New Year's resolution this year is to start talking to more people and try to actually get to know some people whom I can spend some time with either playing games or going out for coffee with. As another sort of resolution thinger... I'm wanting to put more effort into the things I want to succeed at. There are many things I want to succeed at including my blog which is why I'm making this post. You can expect to see many more posts about random life, game reviews, and current events. I'm also hoping I might be able to start doing food or movie reviews or something else.

     Here's hoping for a great new year with much to talk about. I'm looking forward to having much success at many things this year. I'm hoping you'll all join me as well on this fantastic journey and share this with all your friends.

~ Kyle Welykholowa

=== What A Good Doctor ===

     So we've been watching this awesome show recently which has just been an absolutely amazing watch called The Good Doctor. is show follows some surgical residents including one by the name of Sean Murphy who has Autism. So far throughout the show, there have been a lot of cases of both patients and doctors who don't think he's capable of doing things the same as a regular person, but he continues to prove people wrong in many of the episodes.

     One of my favourite things about watching this show (usually with Kylie) is how much I learn about people with autism... and about my dear Carley. I won't go into super detail about it, but it turns out that Carley shares a lot of the characteristics as the main character in the show. For the most part, Carley is a pretty normal person and I love her very much. There are a few things which seem to make a little bit more sense to me as I realize she could be described as a high-functioning person with some level of autism.

     I don't know if I've explained this idea very well at all, but it certainly makes sense to me. Knowing more about our situation certainly makes things much easier for me to understand how Carley works and helps me to be much more calm in situations I wouldn't normally understand. Basically, this show is not only a fantastic show to watch, but it has also helped to change my life and my understanding of things in it.

     Now would be a wonderful time to go into great detail about how awesome the Fall finale was for the show, but I don't want to ruin anything for anybody who may be watching or may be interested in watching the show. So... I think I'll just leave you all to go look into it with the recommendation that you should all watch this series as it seems to have been accepted as the number 1 show at this time and I can personally say that it's the best show I've watched in a while. For anybody who used to watch House, this show was made by the same creators... so you can imagine this one is pretty awesome as well.

~ Kyle Welykholowa

=== Quick Morning Post ===

     Time for a quick morning post to get the day going. I'm getting excited here, I have a couple plans to start some projects coming up. I'll be sure to update everybody on them as they happen. I don't want to reveal too much too soon, 'cause then the excitement will pass once it's finally time to let everybody know what I've done. Either that or there will be a letdown if something doesn't get done quickly or worse.... if something doesn't get done at all. I've been slacking a little bit lately (I'm sure I've said this more than once). I'll be starting on some new projects soon and continuing with some old ones right away as well. The hardest part is finding the proper time to actually get all of this done, but soon enough I'll figure out how to properly fit all of this into the time that I do have.

     The most important project to me at this time is getting into a greater habit of posting to my blog more often. I have much I would like to write about including everyday life, game reviews, food, drinks, locations, and experiences. I just tend to forget about how easy it is to sit down for a few minutes and write about it. I mean... one of my favourite things to do is to sit down a type for a while (I know, I'm weird). That's one of the reasons I keep a notepad file at work to type everything I need to follow-up on; also it's easier to keep up to date and not lose things that way.

     So I hope you all have a wonderful morning and please look forward to a coming flurry of new things on my blog, YouTube, and Twitch. You're all amazing and you all deserve to be entertained! ^_^

~ Kyle

I've Got All This Time On My Hands!

     It's just about 9:00 in the evening and I've got nothing but time on my hands; I've only been here since 8:00 in the morning. We were expecting to have Carley induced this morning due to complicatoins, but then between two doctors and one obstetrician, we were told there are no complications. So with that, Carley made the decision to be induced anyways.

     Eight hours later and here we are waiting with Carley beginning to feel some pains, tightenings, and contractions. I don't think either of us are REALLY knowing what to expect here both during the labour and after once we finally get to go home. I know I'm getting pretty excited at the moment, but I'm also trying to figure out how I'm going to get everything done all at once. I'll now have to work 8 to 10 hours a day depending on the drive, keep up with homework, take care of the dog, AND I'll have to help with our dear child. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for this and look forward to our family, but at the same time I'm super scared that I won't have enough time for everything.

     Have you ever wished there was something you didn't have to do any more in your life? I wish I didn't have to sleep ever again. I would gain an additional eight hours a day! Oh, what I would do with all that extra time.... Right now all I can do is wait and wonder, what will happen, and how will we re-balance our lives? Our schedules will have to be re-worked, we'll have to plan out our meals better, and I feel like I'll have to figure out everything over again after I feel like I had just figured it out!

     So here we are back to the moment at hand. Carley's contractions are getting stronger and all I can do it sit here and watch and wait for whatever happens to happen. The good news, is that it seems like she may not have to have a c-section due to a failed induction. But I really wish there was more that I could do at this point. Honestly, I feel like I'm going to be the most awkward parent ever who has no idea how to handle having a child. My mind is reeling with possibilities left and right and I haven't a clue which path to follow through the intertwining branches of the overgrown forest inside of me.

I can't imagine how Carley is feeling at this point.

~ Kyle Welykholowa

Midterms February 2017 - Part 2

     I haven't received the marks for my midterms yet, but I'm sure I've done really well. It feels great to be able to do so well on my tests with everything else going on at the same time. I haven't been able to put as much work into studying as I would have liked, but I'm confident that I've managed to pull through anyways. One of the advantages I have is that a lot of this work I have already learned through high school, or previous courses I've attempted to take, or just from being proficient with computer programs in general. I think this semester is going very well for me and hopefully next semester will continue like this as well.

     One of my goals in this year of my life is to learn to do some things so well that it's all muscle memory. So much so, that I'm comfortable doing things without having to think about it, but just doing it at a comfortable pace. Then, once I'm able to do that will come the speed of being able to do those things without having to think so much but still pushing myself to continue doing so just a little bit faster each time.

     Typing is a great example of what I mean. Previously, I have proven myself to be capable of typing at a very fast rate, but I get slowed down by having to use backspace a lot. So what I'm hoping to be able to do is have a much higher accuracy rate by slowing down a little bit and getting used to hitting things right the first time. It's honestly a little bit tough to force myself to slow down rather than going as fast as I can and performing the same as always. It takes a little bit of change to be able to improve. Sometimes that means doing something a little bit worse than before; in the end, you do better than before.

     This is something I would like to do better at with other things as well. Obviously I would like to have this amazing muscle memory when it comes to video games, but perhaps I could put enough practice into my violin to do so, or making crafts, or writing, or even just thinking in a certain way. I have noticed that I lose a lot of productivity to getting sidetracked or taking time to think about things for a while... but what if I was able to think and keep going at the same time? There's a lot of thoughts I've had about this sort of thing; knowing I can do better and be more productive in a lot of things. It's so easy to just sit and watch a show and not do anything of value in that time, but what if I could keep myself going instead of falling into that rut of non-thinking? Strange how some midterm tests make me think of these things.

Just something to think about. ^_^

~ Kyle Welykholowa

Midterms - February 2017

     It is my second semester and the next round of tests are fast approaching. Am I ready? Am I prepared? I think I have some more reading and practical applications to do to be sure, but so far I think things have been going well. It's tough trying to balance work school and home life all together. Once school is done though, it will all be worth it. So long as I can keep myself on task, I'm on track for getting myself a better-paying job to support my family. With that comes happiness and comfort for us. Work and family will be a solved puzzle at that time. Then all that's left is my personal success.

     I want to have a successful hobby. Or rather... I want to make my hobby successful. I believe any hobby can be made successful with enough hard work and dedication. That is why I continue to blog and make videos and put myself out there. Because I have had some success with what I have  done and I'm sure I can do even better if I just put my mind to it and take more action to promote myself further than I already have.

     This course I'm taking for school right now is a door to open many possibilities in the future. I only need to prove my hard work and determination to show others, but more importantly myself, that I have what it takes to pull through and overcome the obstacles ahead of me no matter what path I choose to travel.

     Nearly half a course completed, only half more to go. ^_^

~ Kyle Welyholowa

My Blog Has Progressed!

     The most amazing thing happened only a couple days ago; my Google AdSense application was accepted! My blog officially has enough content and traffic that I'm allowed to run ads on my site. Of course that's not likely to earn me much at this point, but I think it's pretty cool that if I put enough work into it and I'm patient, I have the opportunity to make something out of this. I didn't think I would be accepted at least until I would have something more like 500 people looking at my site per day. At this point I'm so happy that I've already been accepted.

     I don't really have a ton to talk about today besides my excitement over the situation. This really motivates me to put more effort into this and see where I can take it. It's really something so small that doesn't have a huge impact on my life right now... but it's actually kind of amazing just what kind of effect it has. It's like someone coming, giving me a pat on the back, and saying "you've done a good job, so here's an opportunity for you."

     The hardest part with this now is really that I actually have to remain diligent and continue to make posts. In the past I've put off my want to write things to do other things instead either for my own amusement or out of necessity. Now, I have an excuse to make this something higher up on my priority list. I now have a reason to listen to the news or read articles and then write my own thoughts and post it for all of you to read. Now this really has a purpose; something I was starting to wonder if it would ever happen. Yeah, I would look at my stats and see maybe one or two more people viewing my site each time I'd post something; in the grand scheme of things, it often looked like the same pattern of numbers going up and down every time.

     So yeah, I'm excited, and now I have new goals to work for. Just when I thought I was getting stuck in a rut, this breakthrough has happened. Obviously I still have a bunch of work which must be done to continue my progress to a level which would really help us out each and every month. If I can get to that point though... if I can get more traffic to my site, more content out there, more entertainment to the people, more reason for people to keep coming back and bringing more and more people with them... then I can get somewhere with this. I really have an amazing opportunity here and I can only hope that I'm able to pull through with what I need.

     Wish me luck everybody! ^_^

~ Kyle Welykholowa

A Beautiful Thing

     I've waited so long for this to happen and now I am the happiest person in the world. I hardly know what to do with myself. It has been an adventure thus far and now I look forward to more adventures coming up in the future with a beautiful and amazing girl in my life. I'm pretty much so excited that I just want to aea;jg;LSAJDFASHGOWAHETGLJAGHAAJSFGJ!~!!! and I don't really know how else to describe it.

     Obviously there will be some work to it for things to progress properly and much better than last time, but I'm certainly looking forward to the bright future ahead of me. I'm finding more hours of work and I'll soon be signing up for the right course for me.

     In the meantime, I'll be trying to find more time to stream, make YouTube videos, and be the best boyfriend in the world. I hope you all have a beautiful day and I hope you're all happy people. Don't ruin someone else's day, make it better.

     I love you Carley Dawn Larocque.

~ Kyle

The Girl Upstairs Listens To Some Loud Music

     Some people might find it annoying to hear the music of their neighbor going on really loudly... but as it turns out, she actually listens to good music. If not for her, I wouldn't have just found the artist Kygo. Apparently a Norwegian DJ who has made some really good remixes and things including a remix of I See Fire by Ed Sheeran which I REALLY like.

     So now I have some new music to listen to all because of my upstairs neighbor who plays her music way too loudly for any reasonable person to ever do. And oddly... I don't mind at all. Music has been pretty important to me recently. Without it, I don't know if I would have made it to where I am right now. It motivates me to get things done; to post on my blog for all you wonderful readers out there, and to make videos for anyone who likes those.

     Things feel good right now. This feels the start of a new chapter in my life story. I feel like I have something meaningful to do for the world, even if it's only for a small number of people. But it still makes me happy to have had an effect on even just one life out there. Some people might think it's silly, but I have a want, a need, a goal... to make other people happy. If this is how I can do so, then this is what I want.

     By this time next year, if I had one hundred people who enjoyed reading my words, listening to me talk or sing, watching my videos I think I would be happy. That would be one hundred people who's lives I'd have changed and made just a little bit better than before. Maybe I'll reach that goal, maybe I won't. In time, I'll see where life takes me. I have an ever-changing story that may be foreshadowing one thing, but may turn out as something completely different. The only way to find out... is to keep reading what will be written.

~ Kyle

The Anticipation Is Killing Me

     I've had people complain about me being too slow, or taking too much time to do things or say something. I think it's one of my strongest qualities to be so patient. One of the hardest things to do is to wait for something. I've definitely been in some situations in my life that have required me to wait for something to happen. Yeah, I absolutely get just as impatient as the next person when having to wait for a period of time for something to happen. Even a short time sometimes feels like an eternity.

     Once again I find myself waiting. Perhaps I'm waiting for nothing. Or perhaps I'm waiting for what I've always wanted in my life. I can't really be sure as of yet. All I know is that once again, I find myself waiting for something in my life. It sucks to have to wait, but I believe having adequate patience is the difference between true happiness and settling due to rushing too quickly. I want to find the missing piece of myself that is floating throughout the world somewhere. I'm confident that with a little bit of effort on my part, and some patience... I will find that which I am looking for.

     If you're reading this right now thinking about how much you want something to just happen already... perhaps you're in the same position. Maybe you just need to slow down a little and take the time to let things happen on their own time. There are many things that can seem right at the time when done quickly... but in the end, you realize it's all just a cover-up. Anything that is rushed too quickly will only leave you feeling like something is wrong afterwords. Perhaps you'll try to bring back that spark by having more of it, but it won't be the same. Rushing through something before you're truly ready may give you a rush that you'll forever be searching for after the fact. A feeling that will be difficult to ever get again.

     The words "I Love You" for instance. The first time these words are said in a new relationship should be a special time; one which should not be rushed. Said too soon, and the words may feel awkward... or they could feel like the beginning of a roaring flame. That uneasiness when you're unsure if the time is right may translate into a rush of adrenaline as you say those amazing words. And then forever after, your memory of the experience is one of adrenaline... one that you likely cannot replicate. Thus, every time those words are used after that moment, it will feel like a band-aid that doesn't quite cover the scratch. More and more band-aids you try to put on the scratch, but no matter how hard you try, you just can't quite cover it.

     And so I say to have patience. As hard as it can be, it is a must if anything is to ever last. Patience with activities, but more importantly with people. Any relationship, whether a friend, relative, or significant other... needs patience and understanding between the two. In the end, having patience will pay off. So have patience with everything you do. Patience is the key to happiness no matter the timeline.

~ Kyle

"Life doesn't happen to you... it happens FOR you."

     I heard this quote by Jim Carrey in a video on Facebook just last night. It was a video of a bunch of things he has said, but this one really got my attention. I've been thinking about it pretty much all night.

     Sometimes I find myself guilty of thinking "Why has this happened to me?" or "What have I done to deserve this?" It's a mindset that promotes the idea that Life is out to get me. The reality of it, is that my life isn't trying to get back at me. Things come and go as life goes on, and it's up to whomever is living that life to either take those experiences that happen and do something with them, or forget about them.

     People like to label some experiences they regret as "mistakes"... but they're still an experience that you have now had. Whether it was in fact a mistake or not, I don't think it's right to forget about; It's something you chose to do. I don't think something can be a mistake if you didn't make the choice to do it. I think these experiences should be taken, remembered, and learned from.

     Now of course there are some experiences in life that some would rather not remember. These are usually the experiences that were not the choice of the life-user, but rather they tend to be the choices of others. Though these are harder to think about, I still think they are a part of a person's story. Every story has good and bad parts to it. In the end, it's the journey that matters. Nobody would have a story without a journey. We're here to work through our journey so that in the end, we have a story to tell about how we got there. After all... isn't that what history is all about?

~ Kyle 

Sometimes it's just a short post about my thoughts.

     I've been told that people like reading my thoughts even if it's just something simple. So much so, that I should make a post every day, even if it's on nothing of interest. Well... I'll try to have something interesting to think about as often as possible. I can't promise having something to post about every day. Nor can I promise to have something interesting to think about on those days that I do post something. But I can make an effort to write more posts.

     I've thought about this a lot actually. If only I could be paid to write about my thoughts every day. Well... in theory... I COULD... but if that did happen, it would certainly take work and time. Not that that's a bad thing. I have a fantasy of finding something to enjoy doing every day and making money at it. Being successful at something I've created myself rather than being successful at a job that someone else came up with. I thought it was just a want to be a famous streamer or something... but after giving it some thought I realize that it's not just about a silly idea of playing games for a living... if I could play games, or write about things, or make artwork for a living and get paid for it... I think I would be really happy. I think it's that old creative me wanting to come out again.

     I used to be really creative. One of my best creations was a ship made out of popsicle sticks which I'll show a picture of. I've also had a couple drawings and paintings that I was really proud of that I unfortunately never got any pictures of and have been lost to the depths of moving multiple times. So now that I've had this time to think about things to myself, I have a better understanding of myself. Every time something new and significant happens, learn something new about myself and think that I must know all there is to know about me. And yet... I keep learning more about myself with every event. I'm a creative person. I know this... I just forgot about it.

     How can you forget about being creative? I know... it seems so silly that THAT could be possible; to forget something so significant about yourself. But when I think about it... it's not just something that I'm coming up with to try to be an interesting person. I'm not just making up stories to try to cope with having a crummy month earlier. I've done creative things that I've been proud of and others have recognized me for in the past. When I was a child, I used to play games with my friends that were all in our imagination. I loved being in impov in highschool. My favourite classes were the ones where we got to make funny videos and things. And heck, I still play table top games by myself, just because I think it's fun to think about everything going on even if it's on my own.

     I guess a person forgets about these kinds of things when being in school and worrying about money makes you think that you have to fit into some kind of cookie-cutter 9-5 job. I've tried really hard to understand these things and fit in and set myself up to be a guy with a good job and everything absolutely average and normal and all that. I think what really gave me this realization was watching a stream recently. LethalFrag gave this wonderful speech which really makes sense and I took to heart. He said, "If you don't like what you're doing, you're not going to enjoy your life. So find something you like to do, and do it. If you like cleaning and want to be a janitor for the rest of your life, be a janitor!" It's so simple. I don't know exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I do know that I want it to be something creative.

     Alright... so this wasn't quite as short as I thought it was going to be. Enjoy everybody and have a great day! ^_^

~ Kyle

Getting Better

     I haven't felt awesome for the past couple weeks. Getting broken up with when you think everything is stable... especially over a text message you didn't know about that obviously means you must have cheated on the person you were in love with and did everything for... just because you didn't mention this text message that you didn't know about... is really difficult. I mean, I feel like shit... but at the same time I realize that if she so easily believed that I would cheat on her just because of a text message, then I guess we weren't meant for one another. The crappiest part is that I didn't even know about this text message that supposedly came from me. And it's difficult to believe that there ever was a text message because she didn't say anything about it. She just deleted it.

     So here I am, two weeks later. I'm feeling better; I'm eating again. I also got some work done. I have a bit to catch up on after not really going to school for a week, but luckily it's not too much to handle I think. I have decided that I don't want to go through with attempting to learn this math 226 class though. I mean I already missed at least two weeks of it before I was officially back in the class, and then with this life-drama going on, I just don't feel like I'm in a good position to try to learn something like that after missing so much.

     But the good news is that I went in today and got some work done! Finished my AutoCADD template including the block that had to be updated which included me needing to learn about something new on my own. I'm feeling pretty good; Rather tired, but pretty good. I think next I'll tackle my new logo and finish the watch that's past due. But as long as I take things one thing at a time, I think I'll be good.

I can get through this. Everything will be better in the end.

~ Kyle