Keeping Up With Life Is Hard

I've kinda posted about this sort of thing before, but it's honestly quite hard to keep up with life sometimes.

There's so much I want to do and I always feel like I just don't have enough time to do it all. Yeah, a bunch of it is things like blogging and streaming which most people I know would probably think is a silly thing to want to do all the time, but for me it's a fun thing I like to do that makes me happy. There are other things I would like to do as well including reading, drawing, writing, and getting back into playing my violin.

The worrying part is when I feel so apathetic that I don't feel like doing any of these things, especially when I don't even feel like playing games which is normally a very fun thing for me to do. Lately I've found it very hard to get up enough willpower to do any of these things which is actually rather concerning to me now that I think about it. Besides being always tired, I find myself not really wanting to do anything and only really able to get up and be energetic for the purpose of working.

I have great plans for so many things I want to do and how I want to be great and energetic and happy and be so much fun, and then I find I'm fighting with myself to do anything else but sleep in my spare time. I find it very frustrating to feel like this, but at least I know I'm in a pretty good spot to deal with this sort of thing right now with my family close by me and a comfortable place to feel safe and able to handle my problems.

As always, look forward for more awesome things happening in the future. I may try to mix things up with a few longer and shorter posts just to keep things rolling every now and then even when I'm not totally feeling it.


Have a great day everybody! ^_^

~ Kyle Welykholowa

=== Future Plans ===

     I've been thinking about what's coming up for me for my future plans. There are some things I would like to be doing coming up and I think they're reasonable things to plan for. In the past I've never really made any plans to stick to or real goals to follow, but now I find myself wanting to have some goals with which I can give myself a measure of success.

     First on my list is that I have a lot of games started, but few that I've actually ever finished. I would like to make it a goal to finish some of my games so that I can retire them. Of course there are some games which are really fun and I'll probably play them for a really long time even after I've beaten them tons of times. Other games I've only started playing and haven't found the time to finish or I've gotten distracted by other games and activities. This leads me into my next goal.

     My next goal is to use these games that I want to play through, whether that's finishing them or replaying them or whatever else I decide to do with them to create more content. I've been slacking lately on the content production and that's absolutely something I really enjoy doing which I would like to continue having as something strong and important in my life. I've managed to hit a large number of views with one of my game reviews I posted on my blog and that makes me feel awesome and want to continue doing more game-related content and other content production in general. So this will have me continuing to make blog posts and making more of an effort to spread that content creation into my YouTube channel for recorded episodes and Twitch for live streaming depending on the type of game being played.

     Outside of playing games I have a couple goals a well. The first is getting my garden ready for planting for next year. I didn't manage to do so this year, but with the heat wave going on I guess that means we're saving money as a result right now. I'm really wanting to have everything ready so I can grow a successful garden next year.

     The next offline goal I have is practicing my drawing. I really enjoy drawing things but I'm usually too busy to do so because it usually takes me a long time to make anything due to being such a perfectionist when it comes to making artwork. I have a set of pencils to draw with and ink wells and dip pens to use but I just haven't had a chance to use them since I got them. I'm going to make it a plan to take some time out of some of my days to use these things to grow my skills at things I enjoy doing.

     Another goal I have is to practice music. I have a violin which has been sitting recently and desperately needs to be used. I have also gotten a recorder from the dollar store which I can use for simple flute sort of music. If you haven't noticed... I also enjoy singing and using that for some of my content. I'm going to make a plan to at least practice some of this so I'm more comfortable with it in the future and then perhaps I'll have an easier time creating more in the future.

     The last goal I have at this time is to start reading more again. This has been something I've been planning to do for quite some time where I pick a book and read it for a YouTube video. If there are other people in the world like me, then they have lots of time to listen to things, but not so much to actually do things. Hence, I figure some people would like to listen to the reading of books and things. This gives me two reasons to read books; so that I can read something I'm interested in reading, and so I can share it with the rest of the world.

     I hope you've enjoyed reading my ideas and that perhaps you're looking forward to something in this list coming from me in the future. Feel free to let me know! ^_^

~ Kyle Welykholowa

Midterms February 2017 - Part 2

     I haven't received the marks for my midterms yet, but I'm sure I've done really well. It feels great to be able to do so well on my tests with everything else going on at the same time. I haven't been able to put as much work into studying as I would have liked, but I'm confident that I've managed to pull through anyways. One of the advantages I have is that a lot of this work I have already learned through high school, or previous courses I've attempted to take, or just from being proficient with computer programs in general. I think this semester is going very well for me and hopefully next semester will continue like this as well.

     One of my goals in this year of my life is to learn to do some things so well that it's all muscle memory. So much so, that I'm comfortable doing things without having to think about it, but just doing it at a comfortable pace. Then, once I'm able to do that will come the speed of being able to do those things without having to think so much but still pushing myself to continue doing so just a little bit faster each time.

     Typing is a great example of what I mean. Previously, I have proven myself to be capable of typing at a very fast rate, but I get slowed down by having to use backspace a lot. So what I'm hoping to be able to do is have a much higher accuracy rate by slowing down a little bit and getting used to hitting things right the first time. It's honestly a little bit tough to force myself to slow down rather than going as fast as I can and performing the same as always. It takes a little bit of change to be able to improve. Sometimes that means doing something a little bit worse than before; in the end, you do better than before.

     This is something I would like to do better at with other things as well. Obviously I would like to have this amazing muscle memory when it comes to video games, but perhaps I could put enough practice into my violin to do so, or making crafts, or writing, or even just thinking in a certain way. I have noticed that I lose a lot of productivity to getting sidetracked or taking time to think about things for a while... but what if I was able to think and keep going at the same time? There's a lot of thoughts I've had about this sort of thing; knowing I can do better and be more productive in a lot of things. It's so easy to just sit and watch a show and not do anything of value in that time, but what if I could keep myself going instead of falling into that rut of non-thinking? Strange how some midterm tests make me think of these things.

Just something to think about. ^_^

~ Kyle Welykholowa

Waiting For The Time To Go By

     At this point in time, yeah, I'm looking for a job, but I'm not in a hurry. Right now, I'm quite happy to take things slowly. Now that I've had the time to slow down and think about things for a bit, I can definitively say that I much prefer to take things slowly. I feel like in the past while (not sure how long exactly), things have been flying by. It's nice to finally be able to sit down and have some time to myself where things aren't trying to race by.

     Sure, I'd like to have a job RIGHT NOW, but at the same time... I'm happy that it's not happening RIGHT AWAY. I think I've needed this time to slow down and figure out what I want. Do I definitely know one hundred percent what I want right now? No, of course not. I do know that I want to be able to focus on myself one step at a time and figure things out. Take the time to get back in touch with friends I haven't taken the time to talk to in a long time. And more importantly... take the time to get back in touch with myself.

     I shouldn't have to be so worried about what someone else thinks. I only have to worry about what I think. Am I happy with myself? Do I like my choices? Where do I want to see myself? Those are the important questions I should be thinking about rather than things like: What does he or she think of me? Or what if that person thinks I'm weird?

     So now is my time to focus on myself. I'm using this as an excuse to get more into writing seeing as I like sharing my words with whomever takes the time to read them. I'm also using this as a time to relax and be comfortable with myself. I'd like to start reading some of my books again like I used to every night. I'd like to start playing my violin again... maybe learn to play some cool things. Now is my time to be me.

~ Kyle