Getting Better

     I haven't felt awesome for the past couple weeks. Getting broken up with when you think everything is stable... especially over a text message you didn't know about that obviously means you must have cheated on the person you were in love with and did everything for... just because you didn't mention this text message that you didn't know about... is really difficult. I mean, I feel like shit... but at the same time I realize that if she so easily believed that I would cheat on her just because of a text message, then I guess we weren't meant for one another. The crappiest part is that I didn't even know about this text message that supposedly came from me. And it's difficult to believe that there ever was a text message because she didn't say anything about it. She just deleted it.

     So here I am, two weeks later. I'm feeling better; I'm eating again. I also got some work done. I have a bit to catch up on after not really going to school for a week, but luckily it's not too much to handle I think. I have decided that I don't want to go through with attempting to learn this math 226 class though. I mean I already missed at least two weeks of it before I was officially back in the class, and then with this life-drama going on, I just don't feel like I'm in a good position to try to learn something like that after missing so much.

     But the good news is that I went in today and got some work done! Finished my AutoCADD template including the block that had to be updated which included me needing to learn about something new on my own. I'm feeling pretty good; Rather tired, but pretty good. I think next I'll tackle my new logo and finish the watch that's past due. But as long as I take things one thing at a time, I think I'll be good.

I can get through this. Everything will be better in the end.

~ Kyle

My thoughts

     A lot has happened since last I made a post. Basically the whole world turned upside-down and Carley broke up with me. So here I am now with lots of time to myself to figure things out.

     I've made a few Facebook posts recently about how angry or frustrated I am with the situation but that really only shows one side of my thoughts. Yeah, I'm frustrated with what happened and I wish it were easy for me to just walk away and leave everything. I wish I could just stop loving her, but after all we went through together, it's just not that easy to make my feelings go away. I still love her very much and I wish this were all a bad dream. I wish everything would go back to the way it was before.

     If I were to tell the truth... I would say I would still be willing to take her back. Even though it probably sounds stupid that I would do so. I would still be willing to give her another chance on the condition that we did couples counseling together. Maybe that's dumb... Maybe I'm just a lunatic who doesn't know his way around anymore. I think what I should really do is consider honestly what I want in a relationship, and settle for nothing less. If she were willing to come back and give that a try, with counseling and everything, I would give her a chance. But at the same time, I can't wait forever for that possibility. If what I'm looking for came by... I couldn't just pass that by because of something that might be.

     So I suppose at this point I will honestly say that I love her still; Even if that makes me an idiot. And I would still take her back if she came to her senses. But at some point, I'll have to move on. If she doesn't come back or waits too long, then I can't keep staying around for her. I love you still, but without you I cannot love you forever. I love you Carley Dawn Larocque.

A Post Mostly About Carley

     I just have to say, I am so proud of my Carley. She's just wonderful. She's been working so hard to make all the money we need to live here and even when she's been feeling awful, she's still going into work to make the money we need. I know it's hard on her and sometimes it seems like we don't have enough time to see one another, but we both know it'll pay off in the end.

     Soon enough I'll be on my first co-op work-term, and we'll be able to save a bit of money. Perhaps we'll be able to get her started in school for Carpentry. She's already applied, so as long as we're able to, we'll get her started as soon as possible.

     Unfortunately today she isn't feeling too well, but I'm doing my best to take care of her and get her in wonderful health. She told me her stomach feels a bit better after the Pepto Bismol, but she still has a headache. I'm sure the bright light as she's trying to sleep doesn't help too much. Once we get the curtains my mother is making for us, she'll probably sleep better. We might have to get her a sleep mask. So whether or not she's going into work tonight, I don't know yet. Hopefully we can get her feeling better by tonight, but if not, that's alright.

     Good news for today is that I've gotten a lot of my CADD homework done... after having accidentally overwritten it with the wrong file version causing me to lose a bunch of my work. I'm taking a bit of a break now after having worked on it all day so far, and I'm nearly done. Just a little bit more work and I'll be at the point where I want to be for next day's class. So now I'll take a fun break and do a bit of streaming for funzies. If you want to check out my stream, you can catch it at www.twitch.tv/DaemonVirus1.

     Have a great day everyone! ^_^

~ Kyle

First Semester Finals

   Well, that wasn't so bad. I wasn't sure how I would do this first semester. It was my first whole semester back in school since high school. Now I know I could have done better than I did, but I'm actually quite happy to have only failed one class. Sure my other marks weren't as high as I probably would have liked, but I'm thinking it will be much easier now to focus on school this coming second semester now that I'm living in Moose Jaw with Carley who's working full-time.

   I managed to fail math. I've never been awesome at math, so I'm not too heartbroken over it. Obviously I would have liked to pass the class, but I'll get through it when I get the chance to take it again. The extra time to do it again, this time in the comfort of a closer home, will be good for me I think. I'll be able to take the time to go through my textbook and get math practice in. Especially since I don't have to worry about making money while I'm trying to learn school things.

   I guess I don't really have a lot to say today. Mostly I'm just really happy to be done my first whole semester. That's a milestone for me. It's been a while since I've actually accomplished something useful outside of my room or having a girlfriend. So here's hoping us moving here was the right choice. I know it will make my life in school easier, and I know Carley is really happy to finally have a job... even if it's a little hectic for her right now.

~ Kyle

My Awesome Girlfriend.

     As you may be able to guess by the title, I have a girlfriend. We've been through a lot together in a little over a year now, and for all the things we've been through and done together, I love her so incredibly much. She tends to have troubles thinking she's beautiful enough, or smart enough, or even good enough. I can definitely say she's all of those things and more.

     She is without a doubt the most beautiful girl I have ever had the luxury of seeing. She worried about being over- or under-weight, but I don't even care. as long as I have a place beside her in my life I couldn't care if she were 90 or 300 pounds (though I know she wouldn't let herself get like that).

     She's certainly the smartest girl I've ever met. Her brain obviously works in a different way due to a mixture of ADHD and childhood traumas. Not to mention her mother's terrible choices while pregnant with her. But even with these hurdles, she managed to graduate high school ahead of time and then get a degree right after that way faster than most other people. Yeah, I would agree that she sometimes has troubles knowing what to do in certain situations. Sometimes she doesn't know how to handle certain situations. But that doesn't mean I don't love her. We all have problems of some kind. I haven't had the difficult childhood she had, and still, I'm not sure I would argue that I have better social or relationship skills than she has. We're all smart in our own way, and I value her brains in the creative and determined ways that she is smart.

     Now, due to my past relationships, I'm a pretty picky person. If someone wasn't treating me right, or if I didn't think they were worth it, I wouldn't stay with them. So when she wonders whether or not she's good enough... She is completely absolutely without a doubt good enough. I would jump in front of a train for her. Yeah, we've had our issues, but that has only made us stronger. I know that once she gets her job(s) and we're able to move in together, everything will turn out wonderful. I know you can do whatever you put your mind to my love. And I know that everything we've been through will have been worth it in the end. You my love, are more than good enough. You're my Carley.

~ Kyle