Depression Sucks

     If you struggle with depression as I do, then you know how crappy it can be. If you know someone who struggles with depression, then you may have some understanding of what it's like. I'm not sure how I would describe it... perhaps like there's a blanket over me and I can't get it off. Everything feels difficult.

     Some days are alright, and others I can barely get out of bed. I know I've lost weight recently from not eating enough food - though I don't know how much. Sometimes it's triggered by certain events, other times I have absolutely no idea what causes it. That's the mystery of depression.

     So it's a difficult thing to understand. People who have no experience with depression may have trouble knowing what to do, or how to handle someone with such a problem. Supporting a depressed person isn't as difficult as it sounds though. I recently read an article that explained it in a really good way. If someone told you they had an energy-sucking flu that made it really difficult to get out of bed, you would probably be like "oh man, that energy-sucking flu really sucks." And that's basically what it's like. It's not something weird and out there. It's like catching an energy-sucking flu for a while.

     As someone who has to deal with this sort of thing, I can tell you the best thing you can do for someone in this position is to just remain calm, and be there for them. You don't have to find solutions for them. Searching for a solution to depression while depressed is kinda like going to the store for a fire extinguisher while your house is on fire. Not exactly the best time. Seriously, just be there for them. One of the worst parts of being depressed is feeling like you're in the way. Feeling like you don't want to bring everyone else down with you. Sometimes all they need is someone to talk to. Someone willing to ride out the storm with them.

     The days get better. Some days are worse, some days are better. But it does pass in time... just like an energy-sucking flu.

Banished - Game Review - 7/10

     This game, I have put so many hours into. Partly because I'm a perfectionist and I don't like to leave a game without 100% of the achievements finished, but also because this game is a nice city-builder.

     My first instinct is to call it "casual". I'm not actually sure if that's accurate or not. I mean, you aren't really playing against anything besides the elements, and basic human survival. The goal of the game is to make a settlement/village/town/city/whatever-you-want-to-call-it. You don't have to worry about being attacked by anything besides tornadoes and fires. It's just you and your people. As long as you make sure they have enough food and supplies, they're good to go.

     So in terms of a city-builder, this is a really fun game. Even though you don't have to play "against" anything, and don't have any specific goal besides making a city and keeping your people alive... this game captures enough attention to keep me playing it even when there's only one achievement left to get... that takes FOREVER I might add.

     The only thing about this game I can REALLY harp on is the fact that it slows down a ton as your population increases. I assume it's a problem with having to render/calculate every one of the sprites in the game. Figuring out what each and every one of them have to do, because they all have their own lives. I would imagine the more powerful your computer, the better the game would run at higher populations. Now, I have a pretty beefy machine... and my game starts to crap out around 200 population. I've searched for fixes for this kind of thing and unfortunately haven't really come across anything. I'm pretty sure it's just the way the game is made/encoded.

     Now, saying that. I do highly recommend this game. I have found it very interesting to learn how to take care of my people. If you're into tackling achievements, then that's what really makes this game worth it's money is the time you have to take to figure out how to get those elusive achievements.



     I'm going to give this game 7/10 for a city-builder. I haven't played many of them, but this one caught my eye. It could be better, but it's not bad at all.

~ Kyle

Getting Better

     I haven't felt awesome for the past couple weeks. Getting broken up with when you think everything is stable... especially over a text message you didn't know about that obviously means you must have cheated on the person you were in love with and did everything for... just because you didn't mention this text message that you didn't know about... is really difficult. I mean, I feel like shit... but at the same time I realize that if she so easily believed that I would cheat on her just because of a text message, then I guess we weren't meant for one another. The crappiest part is that I didn't even know about this text message that supposedly came from me. And it's difficult to believe that there ever was a text message because she didn't say anything about it. She just deleted it.

     So here I am, two weeks later. I'm feeling better; I'm eating again. I also got some work done. I have a bit to catch up on after not really going to school for a week, but luckily it's not too much to handle I think. I have decided that I don't want to go through with attempting to learn this math 226 class though. I mean I already missed at least two weeks of it before I was officially back in the class, and then with this life-drama going on, I just don't feel like I'm in a good position to try to learn something like that after missing so much.

     But the good news is that I went in today and got some work done! Finished my AutoCADD template including the block that had to be updated which included me needing to learn about something new on my own. I'm feeling pretty good; Rather tired, but pretty good. I think next I'll tackle my new logo and finish the watch that's past due. But as long as I take things one thing at a time, I think I'll be good.

I can get through this. Everything will be better in the end.

~ Kyle

My thoughts

     A lot has happened since last I made a post. Basically the whole world turned upside-down and Carley broke up with me. So here I am now with lots of time to myself to figure things out.

     I've made a few Facebook posts recently about how angry or frustrated I am with the situation but that really only shows one side of my thoughts. Yeah, I'm frustrated with what happened and I wish it were easy for me to just walk away and leave everything. I wish I could just stop loving her, but after all we went through together, it's just not that easy to make my feelings go away. I still love her very much and I wish this were all a bad dream. I wish everything would go back to the way it was before.

     If I were to tell the truth... I would say I would still be willing to take her back. Even though it probably sounds stupid that I would do so. I would still be willing to give her another chance on the condition that we did couples counseling together. Maybe that's dumb... Maybe I'm just a lunatic who doesn't know his way around anymore. I think what I should really do is consider honestly what I want in a relationship, and settle for nothing less. If she were willing to come back and give that a try, with counseling and everything, I would give her a chance. But at the same time, I can't wait forever for that possibility. If what I'm looking for came by... I couldn't just pass that by because of something that might be.

     So I suppose at this point I will honestly say that I love her still; Even if that makes me an idiot. And I would still take her back if she came to her senses. But at some point, I'll have to move on. If she doesn't come back or waits too long, then I can't keep staying around for her. I love you still, but without you I cannot love you forever. I love you Carley Dawn Larocque.

A Post Mostly About Carley

     I just have to say, I am so proud of my Carley. She's just wonderful. She's been working so hard to make all the money we need to live here and even when she's been feeling awful, she's still going into work to make the money we need. I know it's hard on her and sometimes it seems like we don't have enough time to see one another, but we both know it'll pay off in the end.

     Soon enough I'll be on my first co-op work-term, and we'll be able to save a bit of money. Perhaps we'll be able to get her started in school for Carpentry. She's already applied, so as long as we're able to, we'll get her started as soon as possible.

     Unfortunately today she isn't feeling too well, but I'm doing my best to take care of her and get her in wonderful health. She told me her stomach feels a bit better after the Pepto Bismol, but she still has a headache. I'm sure the bright light as she's trying to sleep doesn't help too much. Once we get the curtains my mother is making for us, she'll probably sleep better. We might have to get her a sleep mask. So whether or not she's going into work tonight, I don't know yet. Hopefully we can get her feeling better by tonight, but if not, that's alright.

     Good news for today is that I've gotten a lot of my CADD homework done... after having accidentally overwritten it with the wrong file version causing me to lose a bunch of my work. I'm taking a bit of a break now after having worked on it all day so far, and I'm nearly done. Just a little bit more work and I'll be at the point where I want to be for next day's class. So now I'll take a fun break and do a bit of streaming for funzies. If you want to check out my stream, you can catch it at www.twitch.tv/DaemonVirus1.

     Have a great day everyone! ^_^

~ Kyle

Aeon Command - Game Review - 8/10

     This post is going to be pretty short compared to the usual. Nice and short, just like Aeon Command.

     If you've ever played one of those flash games where you make units and they move across the map and attack your enemy, then you've played Aeon Command. I wouldn't call this a bad game. It's definitely not my favourite, nor does it have the strategic complexity that I prefer, but for only $3.29 on Steam, it did provide me more than 3 hours of entertainment. Granted, once I figured out how to beat the game... most of the rest of the time was spent farming wins until I could get the last research only because I wanted the last achievement.

     This game is simple, and that's not a bad thing. It's meant to be a simple "tug 'o war"-type game and it's done really well. If you're looking for something more hardcore and intense, then this game won't be for you. However, if you're looking for a cheap casual way to spend a little bit of time, then I would give this game a recommendation, especially if you can get it on sale.



     I'll give this game 8/10 for this type of game.

~ Kyle

Happy New Year!

     It has certainly been a tough year, that's for sure. But with a new year comes a new start for everyone and everything. A new year is a time to refresh what was old and fix things that didn't work before. Now is the time to do the things I never thought I could do.

     I finished last year passing almost all of my classes in school. Honestly, I wasn't sure if I could do it before. But I was able to get through it and now I'm more confident than ever. I'm living here with Carley and I know that with the time I now have to focus on things better than before, I can get through it all. And we can do it together.

     This will be a wonderful new year. My relationship with Carley will get stronger, and I will become more confident in myself. I am going to do my best this year. Sometimes I will win. Other times I will fail. This may lead to fights and arguments... but in the end, we will be better people because of it. We learn more about one another every day.

     There are so many things I want to do with my time this year. I plan to take hold of the things I want to do. No more procrastinating. No more making excuses. This year will be my year to reach my goals!

~ Kyle