Sick News!

Hey everyone, I have sick news! Carley isn't sick today! :D

Okay, now I don't want to make this into too big of a deal too soon, but we MAY be over the hump of sickness!!!

You seriously have no idea just how big of a deal this is for us to be at a point like this even for only one day because Carley hasn't had a single day of not being sick since like back in August when she first got pregnant. We tried all sorts of different options including Diclectin / Gravol, sleeping in all day, getting up at the crack of dawn, eating, not eating, and so much more! The result? Nothing worked. Only sick sick sick was found each and every day and it was weighing down upon her beginning to cause depression and anxiety.

The past couple days though... has been a miracle. See, Carley recently took herself into the hospital because she didn't know what else to do. She was feeling so sick and depressed that she felt she needed their help and was admitted into the mental health ward for assistance. The service there was absolutely fantastic, they listened to her and sought out a medication which would be safe for pregnancy which would help out with her depression and anxiety. She wasn't sure about taking any kind of medication but having trouble sleeping during the night drove her to try the suggested medication as it was supposed to help with sleeping at night as well.

This choice led Carley to waking up the following morning in the hospital with less than 8 hours of sleep, but feeling well-rested, mentally better.... and NOT SICK! Crazy, right? Now we won't know FOR SURE if this is a miracle solution until more time passes, but I'm pretty sure if this is still working after a month from now, we're probably in the clear. I know so far she's super happy even to have just a couple days of peace from puking and let me tell you I've seen such an improvement over only two days of happiness that I'm so hopeful for her to continue to feel amazing because I've missed seeing such a big smile on her face.

What have your experiences been like with pregnancy? Good? Bad? Share with me your stories and solutions of pregnancy and parenthood!

~ Kyle Welykholowa

What A Trooper

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Status Update

     I have to admit, my day yesterday was much better than I had originally thought it would be. I am still fighting within myself to be as happy as I know I should be even though my brain tells me not to be. But I truly did have an absolutely amazing day yesterday. I'm feeling happy enough even within myself to eat food rather than skipping meals. I've been feeling well enough to keep up my writing endeavors. I'm feeling pretty good.

     So all in all, I'm glad yesterday was a day the way it was. Yeah, it started out a little crummy, and perhaps I seemed like I was unhappy throughout the day... but I truly truly truly am happy. I hope for more happy days in the future.

~ Kyle

Am I really worth it?

     I know I should easily think the answer to this question is yes... but I'm just so confused lately. Just when everything seems like it's getting better, I feel like I make it all worse. I just want to make a change. I want to prove that I can do a better job and be a better person. I want to prove that I am worth it, but I don't know how. I don't know how to be what is needed of me when it seems like what's already there is so much better, even though I know it shouldn't be.

     I can be told ten times that I'm worth it; that I am what is needed or wanted, but then... when things are still in question even after being told that... I don't know how to respond. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Nobody should feel obligated to do anything for me, or feel a certain way for me. It shouldn't matter if I've known somebody for any length of time. I don't want special attention just because of knowing someone previously, or because of how I'm feeling now. I just want to be seen as a regular person and given a regular chance to be what I know I can be... even though I probably don't deserve that chance.

     I guess what I'm saying, is that I'm miserable. There are times when I feel happier than the rest of this past month all put together... and then there are time when that comes crashing down and I feel worse than before. I'm sorry to anybody my mood affects. I'm sorry for bringing other people down. And I'm sorry for making things more difficult. I wish everything could just be made so much easier. I wish I could prove that I have what it takes to make everything better without taking a huge chance... but I can't. Believing in me would be taking a chance in the unknown. Trusting in the words that I say. Trusting in me.

     I can only hope that you have what it takes to believe in me, and that together we can be stronger. I hope that I can make you confident enough to trust me, and maybe... just maybe I can be what you need.

~ Kyle

Depression Sucks

     If you struggle with depression as I do, then you know how crappy it can be. If you know someone who struggles with depression, then you may have some understanding of what it's like. I'm not sure how I would describe it... perhaps like there's a blanket over me and I can't get it off. Everything feels difficult.

     Some days are alright, and others I can barely get out of bed. I know I've lost weight recently from not eating enough food - though I don't know how much. Sometimes it's triggered by certain events, other times I have absolutely no idea what causes it. That's the mystery of depression.

     So it's a difficult thing to understand. People who have no experience with depression may have trouble knowing what to do, or how to handle someone with such a problem. Supporting a depressed person isn't as difficult as it sounds though. I recently read an article that explained it in a really good way. If someone told you they had an energy-sucking flu that made it really difficult to get out of bed, you would probably be like "oh man, that energy-sucking flu really sucks." And that's basically what it's like. It's not something weird and out there. It's like catching an energy-sucking flu for a while.

     As someone who has to deal with this sort of thing, I can tell you the best thing you can do for someone in this position is to just remain calm, and be there for them. You don't have to find solutions for them. Searching for a solution to depression while depressed is kinda like going to the store for a fire extinguisher while your house is on fire. Not exactly the best time. Seriously, just be there for them. One of the worst parts of being depressed is feeling like you're in the way. Feeling like you don't want to bring everyone else down with you. Sometimes all they need is someone to talk to. Someone willing to ride out the storm with them.

     The days get better. Some days are worse, some days are better. But it does pass in time... just like an energy-sucking flu.