I Lost My Job With HGS

So for those of you who aren't aware, I lost my job. Crazy, right? I know!

I've had a lot of time to reflect on things with all of this unexpected spare time I now have which as led me to come to some realizations about working from home: Though it is convenient to be able to work from home and not require a second car, the scheduling is quite difficult to deal with. When I first started working for HGS (or Rogers as per my position), the scheduling was fine. I was able to schedule myself for 12-hour days earning myself much overtime and giving myself more time to spend with Carley and Isabelle because I'd have three whole days off! Every once in a while things would change a bit with how much hours were offered, but for the most part it was pretty consistent; then things changed.

It was around December when things went sour for a bit with myself and Carley. Between December, January, and February I used up all of my sick days by being depressed and not wanting to go to work. You'd be surprised how much an event like that could make a person not want to work even when working is as easy as walking downstairs and sitting at a computer where you never meet a person face-to-face. Luckily I was able to get through that and there was still plenty of hours to work at the right times that I pulled through. Being able to schedule yourself for 12-hour days at that point is quite nice for dealing with a situation like that where you need as many days off as possible.

After that event everything was good again and continued on quite well up until Carley got her job. Now I was (and still am) quite proud that she managed to find a job working at a care home and found what it is that she wants to do with herself moving forward into the future career-wise. The hard part with that is transitioning into having two full-time working parties in a relationship; this wouldn't be so bad if there were no child involved, but we do have a lovely little girl to take care of as well. So our little Isabelle needed to be enrolled in full-time daycare and we had to coordinate ourselves to having Carley working evenings (right up until 11:00 PM) and getting Isabelle to daycare as early as possible the next day (6:45 AM) so that I could then work during the time she'd be at daycare and then be done in time to pick her up. Now that would be perfect if not for two problems...

1) I'd have to schedule myself to start at 6:30 AM to be "done" by 3:00 PM. Now when I say DONE, what I mean is, I'd be done *IF* I didn't get a phone call that would last beyond that time. Of course if you get a phone call, you can't just hang up on a person and that call could potentially go overtime by an hour or more if it was a customer with a lot of questions or possibly an angry customer who wanted escalate to a manager. Hence, I had to be "done" by 3:00 PM to ensure I would have enough time to go get Isabelle before daycare is closed.

2) The part where I had to schedule myself for 6:30 AM. Carley is sleeping because of how late she was working and then able to get to bed after finally getting home late at night, and daycare doesn't open until 6:45 AM. Now we did manage to transition into being able to deal with this with Carley able to get up to take Isabelle then come back and go back to sleep (naturally there would be a bit of an adjustment period when not being used to working shifts like this).

There was a bit of another problem as well which sort of started to come up, but we didn't quite get around to that before I was let go. Carley was hired to work evenings at her care home, but wasn't being given consistent days to work, her schedule came out late, and she was starting to get a couple random day shifts; not too much of a problem... except where I'm working 7 days a week early in the morning to fit in all my required hours and there's no daycare on weekends. See the problem with that? Not able to just leave Isabelle locked in her room for a few hours while she's awake, huh?

So they let me go because I missed enough days and was late enough times that they felt it necessary to do... followed by immediately posting jobs to hire more employees. Now... I understand what happened and that it's obviously not great to be late so often and miss so much work, but the combination of knowing that I put out good scores in my work each month (amazing scores even), but then they're fire me due to absence and then immediately want to hire more people... hurts a little. I'm alright with it, and I've certainly learned my lesson from it; we need to work together to make sure everything is covered between us and care for our child.

So... now we're here. I have no job right now. Little update on Carley is that she's now working a new job as a housekeeper at a hotel which is a bit less pay and a bit less hours, but it's CONSISTENT hours. You really don't realize how important it is to have such consistent hours as a parent until you start having two working persons, requiring daycare, and having to coordinate with each other to get everything to work properly.

Wish me luck everybody as I figure out what to do with myself and how to get there. There's much job-hunting going on and I'm looking to keep myself busy while keeping the house in order during the time that I have.

~ Kyle Welykholowa

Am I really worth it?

     I know I should easily think the answer to this question is yes... but I'm just so confused lately. Just when everything seems like it's getting better, I feel like I make it all worse. I just want to make a change. I want to prove that I can do a better job and be a better person. I want to prove that I am worth it, but I don't know how. I don't know how to be what is needed of me when it seems like what's already there is so much better, even though I know it shouldn't be.

     I can be told ten times that I'm worth it; that I am what is needed or wanted, but then... when things are still in question even after being told that... I don't know how to respond. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Nobody should feel obligated to do anything for me, or feel a certain way for me. It shouldn't matter if I've known somebody for any length of time. I don't want special attention just because of knowing someone previously, or because of how I'm feeling now. I just want to be seen as a regular person and given a regular chance to be what I know I can be... even though I probably don't deserve that chance.

     I guess what I'm saying, is that I'm miserable. There are times when I feel happier than the rest of this past month all put together... and then there are time when that comes crashing down and I feel worse than before. I'm sorry to anybody my mood affects. I'm sorry for bringing other people down. And I'm sorry for making things more difficult. I wish everything could just be made so much easier. I wish I could prove that I have what it takes to make everything better without taking a huge chance... but I can't. Believing in me would be taking a chance in the unknown. Trusting in the words that I say. Trusting in me.

     I can only hope that you have what it takes to believe in me, and that together we can be stronger. I hope that I can make you confident enough to trust me, and maybe... just maybe I can be what you need.

~ Kyle

Depression Sucks

     If you struggle with depression as I do, then you know how crappy it can be. If you know someone who struggles with depression, then you may have some understanding of what it's like. I'm not sure how I would describe it... perhaps like there's a blanket over me and I can't get it off. Everything feels difficult.

     Some days are alright, and others I can barely get out of bed. I know I've lost weight recently from not eating enough food - though I don't know how much. Sometimes it's triggered by certain events, other times I have absolutely no idea what causes it. That's the mystery of depression.

     So it's a difficult thing to understand. People who have no experience with depression may have trouble knowing what to do, or how to handle someone with such a problem. Supporting a depressed person isn't as difficult as it sounds though. I recently read an article that explained it in a really good way. If someone told you they had an energy-sucking flu that made it really difficult to get out of bed, you would probably be like "oh man, that energy-sucking flu really sucks." And that's basically what it's like. It's not something weird and out there. It's like catching an energy-sucking flu for a while.

     As someone who has to deal with this sort of thing, I can tell you the best thing you can do for someone in this position is to just remain calm, and be there for them. You don't have to find solutions for them. Searching for a solution to depression while depressed is kinda like going to the store for a fire extinguisher while your house is on fire. Not exactly the best time. Seriously, just be there for them. One of the worst parts of being depressed is feeling like you're in the way. Feeling like you don't want to bring everyone else down with you. Sometimes all they need is someone to talk to. Someone willing to ride out the storm with them.

     The days get better. Some days are worse, some days are better. But it does pass in time... just like an energy-sucking flu.