A Good Week

     I haven't had much time to do anything else in the past week other than work, but I have to say it's been pretty nice actually making some money. So far, I've really enjoyed my new job; everyone I work with is really nice. Everybody is super awesome and easy to talk to. I've only had a couple customers so far who haven't seemed to be in the best of moods, but other than that, I'm really enjoying it. Even though talking to people all day is really tiring for me, I do enjoy helping people get through their day and I hope that just a simple smile and good mood might make their day.

     I don't have much to talk about at the moment. Not a lot of things have happened; which I would have to say is pretty nice at this point. I'm enjoying the quiet and the lack of events going on. Some people like having things going on all the time, but I prefer to not have much going on. I'm not really concerned about what exactly I want at the moment. I'm just enjoying the time to myself and hopefully enough time to work on the things that I want to work on.

     Here's hoping we can get some videos uploaded in the next few days! ^_^

 ~ Kyle

Am I really worth it?

     I know I should easily think the answer to this question is yes... but I'm just so confused lately. Just when everything seems like it's getting better, I feel like I make it all worse. I just want to make a change. I want to prove that I can do a better job and be a better person. I want to prove that I am worth it, but I don't know how. I don't know how to be what is needed of me when it seems like what's already there is so much better, even though I know it shouldn't be.

     I can be told ten times that I'm worth it; that I am what is needed or wanted, but then... when things are still in question even after being told that... I don't know how to respond. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Nobody should feel obligated to do anything for me, or feel a certain way for me. It shouldn't matter if I've known somebody for any length of time. I don't want special attention just because of knowing someone previously, or because of how I'm feeling now. I just want to be seen as a regular person and given a regular chance to be what I know I can be... even though I probably don't deserve that chance.

     I guess what I'm saying, is that I'm miserable. There are times when I feel happier than the rest of this past month all put together... and then there are time when that comes crashing down and I feel worse than before. I'm sorry to anybody my mood affects. I'm sorry for bringing other people down. And I'm sorry for making things more difficult. I wish everything could just be made so much easier. I wish I could prove that I have what it takes to make everything better without taking a huge chance... but I can't. Believing in me would be taking a chance in the unknown. Trusting in the words that I say. Trusting in me.

     I can only hope that you have what it takes to believe in me, and that together we can be stronger. I hope that I can make you confident enough to trust me, and maybe... just maybe I can be what you need.

~ Kyle