I Don't Know What To Do With Myself

     I hardly know what to do. There's so much I want to talk about, but there's nobody I want to talk about it with. I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to pay rent in the future. I'm worried that by the time I'm able to get another job, I'll be too far in debt to do anything about it. There's so much more that I want to talk about, but I'm not ready to talk about it because I just don't know.

     So here I am giving my hands something to do. They need something to do. Something good to do. Maybe some people don't find this productive, but I think it helps. I don't really have much of importance to say if anything right now. I hardly feel like this is worth posting, but I'm going to anyways.

     One one hand I'm really happy about some things that are happening right now. On the other hand, I'm really sad about other things that are happening. I'm sure it'll all sort itself out in time. I just don't know how exactly I'm supposed to be feeling right now. I want to be doing my own thing, but I have to get myself a job, and I'm trying to be a good friend all at the same time. Ugh............................. Make the stress go away. Perhaps a massage... or a puppy... anything. I'm thinking the puppy.

     If I manage to get myself a good job and don't have any reason not to in the near future... I'm going to get myself a puppy. Then I won't need to worry about anything else. I'll just be able to feel better about everything by having snuggles all the time every night. Snuggles are awesome. I need more snuggles. I need less stress and more snuggles... and I guess I need patience in my life. It's so hard to be patient, but somehow there has to be some somewhere. Everything will get better when everyone and everything is patient. I just hope life doesn't wait too long to get back to awesomeness.

~ Kyle 

Waiting For The Time To Go By

     At this point in time, yeah, I'm looking for a job, but I'm not in a hurry. Right now, I'm quite happy to take things slowly. Now that I've had the time to slow down and think about things for a bit, I can definitively say that I much prefer to take things slowly. I feel like in the past while (not sure how long exactly), things have been flying by. It's nice to finally be able to sit down and have some time to myself where things aren't trying to race by.

     Sure, I'd like to have a job RIGHT NOW, but at the same time... I'm happy that it's not happening RIGHT AWAY. I think I've needed this time to slow down and figure out what I want. Do I definitely know one hundred percent what I want right now? No, of course not. I do know that I want to be able to focus on myself one step at a time and figure things out. Take the time to get back in touch with friends I haven't taken the time to talk to in a long time. And more importantly... take the time to get back in touch with myself.

     I shouldn't have to be so worried about what someone else thinks. I only have to worry about what I think. Am I happy with myself? Do I like my choices? Where do I want to see myself? Those are the important questions I should be thinking about rather than things like: What does he or she think of me? Or what if that person thinks I'm weird?

     So now is my time to focus on myself. I'm using this as an excuse to get more into writing seeing as I like sharing my words with whomever takes the time to read them. I'm also using this as a time to relax and be comfortable with myself. I'd like to start reading some of my books again like I used to every night. I'd like to start playing my violin again... maybe learn to play some cool things. Now is my time to be me.

~ Kyle

Where School Takes Me.

     The realization begins. Such a short time left until the first work-term. I only hope I can get through my finals in one piece and make it into the next semester. I find myself getting nervous about what is coming up for me. I know I can make it through this. It’s both scary and exciting for me at the same time. Scary because I’ll be getting into something I’ve never done before. A real job with important responsibilities. Exciting because I’ll finally be getting out of the minimum wage job market.

     I find myself having difficulties focusing on much else other than my thoughts right now. I hope this is all worth it in the end. I can’t deliver food for the rest of my life. Well… I suppose I could, but I wouldn’t want to. I mean, I actually want to be able to support a family one day. That’s just not reasonable doing the kind of work I’m currently doing. So I’ll follow my path to it’s end and see what it brings me. One day when this is all over with, I’ll look back and laugh at how silly I was for worrying about everything.

~ Kyle